Sagging (fashion)

Can someone speak for a particular subset of the male gender and explain the whole “pants sagging” concept to me? I just… I just don’t understand the appeal behind that fashion trend. I really thought it’d die out in the early 2000s like pocketless, low rise jeans and the whale tail but evidently, I was wrong.

No

So much wrong

And to clarify, I don’t mean men letting their Levi’s dip an inch or two below their hips. No no. I’m talking about having their whole damn ham hock out or somehow balancing their waistband just above the knee. I’m talking about looking like they stuffed both feet through their jeans, gave a slight tug upwards and then immediately ran out of energy and fucks and decided to leave the house despite the fact that they didn’t finish getting dressed. Yeah you in the black faded jeans with the red plaid boxers, you ain’t dressed bro, you’re still getting dressed. Finish the job already. Pull those pants up and over that booty hump, you can do it, I have faith in you.

Why

One of the many times I’ve wanted to ask Beiber, “Whyyy?”

I’ve been waiting for a guy to admit just how inconvenient it is to walk bowlegged with one hand essentially glued to the front of his jeans all damn day. I just want to grab a dude and be like, “Come here kid, come here. Let me let you in on a little secret- There’s this nifty device called a belt that’ll hold your pants at whatever height your heart desires AND will free that hand right up! Could you imagine how much you could accomplish with TWO hands?!”

Or, I don’t wanna blow anyone’s mind or anything but, there’s also this crazy concept of buying jeans in a size that’s an inch or two from your natural waist size. Doing so wouldn’t require the need to match a belt to your shoes AND would still eliminate the penguin shuffle and the internal struggle over deciding which hand gets to be productive and which hand is stuck babysitting your pants. Incredible!

Now, don’t misunderstand my intention, folks. I’m not calling for an Urkel revival, no no. I totally understand that it’s comfortable to give yourself a few extra inches and to not batten down the hatches right across your hip bones but I’m getting real tired of seeing men’s asses every damn day when they’re wearing perfectly good pants that could easily perform the duty they were created for. Real. Tired. I didn’t put in my contacts this morning so that I could see a plethora of butts all damn day with 20/20 vision.

Sigh.

My therapist told me that I can’t control others’ actions and that I need to learn how to let things go so with that in mind *deep breath and shout out to Dr. Yates* I’d like to make a few simple requests for those who insist on sagging their pants to consider:

Please wear underwear. Boxers, briefs,  tighty whities. I don’t care. Just wear some sort of underwear. The other day, a man sat down next to me on the bus and his bare ass was what made contact with the bus seat. Yes, a hairy man butt was un-underweared, un-pantsed, and on a seat that unsuspecting women and child and properly dressed men use day in and day out.

And! Because that previous request apparently needs to be made-

Please wear clean and/or unstained underwear. I’ve seen too many boxers with something brown caked along the middle seam for me to not make this particular plea.

And now, I’d like to use this paragraph to thank the men who don’t sag their pants and I’d like to thank the men who are now considering correcting their ways. Y’all are the real MVPs.

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18 thoughts on “Sagging (fashion)

  1. Thank you! For saying what everyone is thinking! haha
    It makes me feel so uncomfortable, like when I see someone’s glasses have fallen a smidge to far down their nose it makes my nose twitch!
    These people make my nerves bad! Nothing better than seeing a nice tight (not too tight) pair of trousers accentuating a nice booty anyway! All about that booty haha

    Liked by 1 person

    1. SO TRUE! I am so glad that bandage dresses are already done, even with Spanx on I still couldn’t squeeze my way into one of those! But really, what kind of lackadaisical lifestyle are these clowns leading?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. If I had a penny for everytime I had wanted to ask a guy how in the shiiiiiit his pants were even staying on ….. seriously! I’m so glad I am not the only one who has wondered that and yet …. still no answers! Doesn’t it make you want to grab a pair of over sized jeans and give it a try … just to see how the fuck it works? Like gravity took a break and he took advantage?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I mean, I’ve worn cheap jeans that had stretched out over the course of the day and got over having to pull them up every other minute really quickly… I couldn’t even imagine voluntarily signing up to do that day in and day out.

      Like

  3. I… I am never sitting on a bus seat ever again. Hairy man butt-crack on a bus seat on a sweaty day is a thing of nightmares. *shudder*

    Whilst we’re at it though, can we also ask men who wear super skinny jeans How? I mean, nothing else, not why or anything, just… How?

    xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am with you 100% and have never understood this trend. But something wonderful happened to me. I moved to Beijing a year ago and have not seen bagging jeans a single time since I got here. In fact, I had forgotten all about this obscenity until I saw your post.

    SIDE NOTE: Justin Beiber petitioned to do a concert here this summer and was denied by the Chinese government because he is considered to be a bad influence.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I used to love looking at Justin, but the sagging ruined it all! I love a cute butt in a guy but not when it is dressed with a sag.

    God bless you for keeping your cool, I would of let the world know that that is NOT okay!

    Love the read as always!
    Xoxo autumn
    thedysfunctionallyperfect.com

    Liked by 1 person

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